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And we do not mean to imply that a city dweller is superior or vice versa. Moreover, it is necessary for the spouse to acquire the required information in these matters, to get information from those who are informed and seek help and advice if confronted with a difficulty. (B) Those addicted to dangerous addictions. Dating In Islam, How To Celebrate Eid Al Adha? You would prefer a girl who you think can give a helping hand in serving your parents. Now my parents have accepted their fault but to no use. Now when, I am leaving this world, I am pleased with you. As if he was saying: Oh y pure angel, you were my spouse and faithful friend. A few years passed in this manner and for all her endeavours she could not reform and set her husband aright. Shall I marry my daughter to him or not? Allah has placed the source and origin of this love in the spouse: And He put between you love and compassion.. I told myself that after the marriage contract takes shape, love would follow. As a result, he would not go after strangers and would not commit dishonesty with his wife (both men and women), unless he comes out of the course of nature and does not have a share of faith and modesty. The combining and adhesive force of life should be so strong that it persists and lasts through all the stages and phases of life and is able to make the skeleton of life stand on a firm footing. Some of the ailments do not have much importance and are not hurdles and hindrances in performing marital duties and responsibilities. Regrettably, sometimes this quality dazzles the insight of the youth and they sacrifice most of their values upon it. 1. That is to say, being educated does not necessarily mean being sage and wise, just as intelligence is not the same as being educated. I strongly emphasize and stress that until such time as the state of love is no fully clear and evident and it is not known that the girl and the boy like each other, steps in connection with marriage must not be taken. Q: So what must disable and deformed patients do? It is possible that the wife and husband are equal and compatible from a religious aspect, but not from moral aspect. Are you asking: What are the rights of men and women that Islamic marriage safeguards? The last time I visited Hajj Hassan to enquire after his health, he said: Had Allah not given this spouse tome, I could no longer continue my life. Aunt Zainab's condition was nearly similar to her husband and she also uttered the same prayers for her old husband through her conduct, speech, condition, and looks. Aunt Zainab was both a wife and a nurse for Hajj Hassan who was older than her and who become ill in his last years. The young woman gave birth to a daughter who later married Abdul-Azeez ibn Marawaan; and this girl gave birth to the fifth Rightly-Guided Caliph, Umar ibn Abdul-Azeez. She was no more the same Hamida she used to be before marriage. If there exists a condition of neither love nor hatred and the fact that whether they love or hate each other remains ambiguous, then a final decision must not be taken; rather the plan of chapter 6 should be carried on until ultimately it is known that thy like each other or not. Ghulam took his wife to a psychiatrist for a check up (whereas he should have done it before marriage). See the glorious prophet of Islam (a.s) with the eyes of your heart, addressing you, and hear his alarming and warning message with the ears of your soul, as he said: The prophet of Islam (S) stood to deliver a speech and said, Oh people, beware of the greenery (growing) upon a dung hill. We know many girls in our own society who married the dear soldiers of the scared war and serve them from the core of their hearts and take pride in it.13. (Qur'an 2:221). You put up with my deficiencies and lacking in our lives and did not complain to anyone. Many times their case was presented for the judgement of others, where they put forward their problems before family consultants, and yet they never reached any understanding and agreement. No selection, in human life, after the selection and choosing of belief and school of thought, can reach and match the spouse selection in its importance and sensitiveness. Anyhow, the physical sexual equivalence and equity of the boy and the girl must definitely be taken into consideration while selecting spouses. That is, beauty devoid of religiousness, modesty and morality is not only unappreciated as a distinction, but also is a dangerous calamity. Even the walls and doors of the house reflect beauty, charm and freshness, and the atmosphere of the home is attractive, hopeful and refreshing. (a) Piety: A religious person is positively pious; and if he is not, then he is not religious one. Our righteous predecessors were keen on selecting religious wives, regardless of their looks and social or financial status. God also has guided us to the best way to regulate this instinct. 4.3 Marriage: The 'Criteria' for Selecting a Suitable Partner Family is a very important social institution for Muslims, providing social, emotional and But if these conditions are not fulfilled, then marriage will be null and void. And the girl suffers more harm than the boy. Knowledge, short of commitment and faith is always harmful, as is beauty without faith and modesty. It will be much too difficult for you to endure and withstand their bad name. And this relation should be so strong and unbreakable as to persist and last until the end of life. To subscribe to this RSS feed, copy and paste this URL into your RSS reader. Marriage In Islam: 8 Quranic Verses About Marriage Question: We have observed that sometimes decent, nice children come of bad families and indecent and wicked children come from good families. With the increase in our information pertaining to one's qualities and traits and that of his family, our love or scorn for him would be inflated. If we want to get a good partner, then keep on fixing our characters and akhlaq. I found in one book, the dowry of most of the wives and daughters of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) was 480 Dirhams. 2- With reference to what has been described in the section 'Care yes! When Allah creates children, both the man and the woman are responsible for these children and have to take care of them to the best of their abilities. But when it come to the discussion of 'spouse selection' and 'its criteria and standards' ,Islam says be very careful. 1. If this had been done, these difficulties, odds, conflicts and family disturbances would not have existed of at least, been minimized. Is it legal to not accept cash as a brick and mortar establishment in France? Also, we see that during the time of Prophet, many people married women with reason, not alone by liking. All rights reserved. As a matter of fact, their conduct becomes the phase of their perfection and the height and ceiling of their joint loves. Marriage with someone is equal to a bond with a family, tribe, and a race. He has to respect her, not oppress her, mistreat her, or ask her to do unreasonable things. There are two kinds of standards, qualities, and specifications that should be taken into consideration when selecting a spouse: (a) Those which are the pillars and foundations and definitely required for a prosperous life. obsession, No! Psychological treatments were undertaken, but the differences continued, until Hadi's energies failed and he could no more tolerate and carry on with that life. There is an elegant and subtle point in the tradition; that is, if he marries her (only) for her beauty, he sees unpleasant things in her. What can be briefly said is that the two categories are relative phenomena and, as a matter of fact, it is a spectrum, which can be graded from I (Sheer internal inclination) to 100 (sheer external inclination). You can search for fatwa through many choices. The Commander of the Believers, Umar ibn Al-Khattaab, may Allah be pleased with him, was once so impressed by the pious daughter of a woman who was a milk vendor, that he recommended his son Aasim, may Allah be pleased with him, to marry her. But this peculiarity (like beauty) is the condition of perfection, not its foundation and should be considered beside real and basic qualities and standards, not independently. So, this man married 4 women, and he found that the 4th wife was able to make a living and cook food for the man and also the other wives. Proposal procedure according to sharee'ah - Islam Question & Answer It is true that the superstitious stratum distinctions are void, but human societies have variant spirits, training and social or ethical behaviours, which cannot be denied. Marriage is a form of combination between two human being and two families. The Prophet Muhammad (S) said: , , . Perhaps at the time of proposal and marriage they were not conscious and aware of the essentiality of ideological and social harmony and co-ordination between a husband and a wife. The man is like a mountain and the woman like a spring and the children like flowers and plants. We, at the end of this chapter, shall again talk about it. Marriage in Islam is worship by which man perfects half of his religion, so he meets Allah in. That woman could not play the role of a sympathiser, companion, and helper of her husband, as a wife. The scene is set outside the Kilic Ali Pasha Mosque. The youth who finds keenness, vigour and talents in respect of problems of knowledge and learning, and wishes to lead a life of knowledge and research must be attentive to this point when starting the search for a spouse. Homogeneity in marriage, according to Islamic jurisprudence, is in choosing a wife that is close to the man in age, culture and family background. But it is not everyone's job. If one loves the other and the other does not, then their life would have difficulty. The fate of a girl who loses her modesty and honour as a result of mixing with passionate and lustful men is extremely painful. What if the bride never lived with her family and if the family is bad, what if the bride turns out to be good. Youth (both boys and girls) must concentrate upon and be cautious about this point: that love must be present or should take shape at the beginning so as to build the foundations of marriage. Here too professor Martyr Mutahhari opens the vista saying: Human sentiments and feeling have form and grades. Enter valid first name and last name with at least one space. These illegal companionships and loves severely damage the honour and personality of the youth and bring them many miseries. The person whose life is integrated with gold, clothes, fashion worshipping and passions cannot go along with a pious and meaningful life. It is inspiring ad a hero maker. Islam has commanded to be easy, lenient, indulgent and simple most of the matters pertaining to marriage; such as dowry, wealth, ceremonies, rituals, and customs, but it has ordered carefulness in 'spouse selection'. 6- A beauty problem. Marry affectionate and fertile women, as I will be proud of your great number, among the Prophets on the Day of Judgment., Marry the affectionate and fertile women as I shall outnumber people by you (on the Day of Judgment).. Be cautious and careful not to make a mistake. Curious to know more aboutmarriageandwomen in Islam? Morality does not alone mean to be conventionally booming and smiling and good-natured, since laughing on certain occasion is not only anti-morality, but also immoral. We have seen a number of examples, which by studying their difficulties and profound and chronic differences of marital life; we reach one sensitive point and that is, sexual displeasure and dissatisfaction! Jealousy is the important indicator of fill nature, and magnanimity and generosity are the salient specimens of good character and morality. Marry them for their religion; and a black and unattractive maid who is religious, is better [than them both].. Some of them are from the category of passions, specifically sexual lust, being common instincts among man and all the animals. Such kinds of occurrences and happenings need a specific reaction and a special decision and their suitable solutions should be sought. Sexual problems are one of the real and fundamental organs and pillars of marital life. If such a case (exceptionally) takes shape, it is not a justification for others to follow it. Of course, a 100% understanding and concurrence is still not possible, yet one must endeavour to get as near to it as possible and diminish the distance. In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful. In the end, Ghulam divorced his wife and the innocent child became motherless. I returned and told Umar, may Allah be pleased with him. Another aspect one can consider is how well the partner will fit into the family culture. All that has been discussed about 'beauty' stands valid and is true this discussion as well. 'equity.'. This is because even irreligious persons cannot tolerate immodesty, impurity, debauchery and libertinism (unless they may have negated humanity, in which case, they are out of the scope of our discussion). The difference in the age of sexual puberty in males and females is a natural phenomenon. The apparent attractions and charms deprive them of farsightedness and make them fascinated and enchanted, so that having forgotten the real and actual standards, they neglect those. [She is] a righteous woman, who pleases him when he looks at her, preserves his honor when he is away from her and acts in accordance with what he asks of her., The best that benefits a believer, after [possessing] the fear of Allah The Almighty, is a pious wife who minds what he bids her, pleases him when he looks at her, helps him fulfill his oath and protects her chastity and his property in his absence.. Yes, if both of them are without religion and heedless to the laws of religion, it is possible. Their remedy is to boycott them. 1995).However, pre-Islamic marriage practices "have been the subject of significant speculation and little consensus" (Ali 2006a, p. 3), and scholars disagree .